Don’t Fall in Love (With Text)

In the wise and well sung words of Meg in Disney’s Hercules, “I won’t say I’m in love.” The truth of the matter is that I am, I just don’t want to admit it. Still, I can’t stop thinking about this novel that I’ve been in the process of writing and rewriting since 2013. It’s been a lot of fun, mostly because I haven’t been putting all of my hopes and dreams onto it, but as I’m revamping the story it gets harder and harder for me to delete mass amounts of text.


This story is not the same one I began writing in my university apartment after watching a disappointing episode of a TV series I liked and thinking to myself, “I can do better.” The plot has been altered, some characters are drastically different (some even switching genders), and the point of view went from 1st to 3rd. The story is continuously transforming and it will probably continue to do so until I feel like it’s complete.

I hate changing it sometimes though. I have Word documents of all the rough drafts and outtakes because I don’t know how to let go of pieces of text that won’t work. I feel attached to scenes that aren’t any good and ones that are good, but no longer make sense in the story’s timeline. It’s almost painful ripping away bits of the novel to make it into something new, but it has to be done.

There’s also the fear that what I’ll write next won’t be as good. It’s easy to look at a first draft and think to yourself, “What if this is the best I can do? What if I’ll ruin it by changing it?” Maybe the muses helped your write that one draft and now they’re off doing other things. Or maybe none of the drafts are good and the constant revisions are for nothing. For me, writing is a fun hobby because I love art and instead of drawing, I express myself through words. If I let myself grow so attached that fear is always in the back of my mind, then I’ve lost myself to the craft.

I can’t fall in love with the text because at the end of the day that’s all it is – text. It’s words strung together in a Word document. The words have meaning to me and I look to them for inspiration and ideas, but they’re still only words. I have to learn how to let go of what is no longer helpful to me.

The revision process is one of the messiest breakups I will ever deal with, but that’s the only way I’ll ever grow as a writer. In the end, I’ll get out of a relationship that is lovely, but not quite working and hopefully find my way toward one that  clicks.


What Makes a Female Character “Strong”?

One thing that always bothered me in media is that when writers wanted a female character to be portrayed as “strong” they immediately created a woman who was both beautiful and able to kick ass. She had to be able to throw a punch in red lipstick and keep up with the boys while running in heals. She had to have the physical capability as a male action lead in order to be acknowledged as someone empowered. If she was portrayed with little fighting experience or a pacifist, she’d be labeled weak because that’s not what the media’s definition of “strong” is for women.


For a long time as I was growing up I couldn’t stand the stereotypical strong female character. She was always bland and her only redeemable quality was that she could fight. As someone who isn’t physically strong and terrified of confrontation, I had difficulty relating to these characters. I always felt more in touch with the girl characters who were typically off to the side – the ones that were only there to make the “badass” one look more badass. If a character fell into the “sidekick” role they were considered less valuable. If they couldn’t look sexy, they weren’t remembered.Yet, these were the characters I felt were more strong than the ones in leading roles.

For me, a strong character is one with values, personality, a purpose, a heart, and a passion. When I think of strong female characters I think of these:

pushing daisies

Olive and Chuck in Pushing Daisies

Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe from Friends

Hermione Granger in Harry  Potter

Fantine in Les Mis.

Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing

Dr. Ellie Sattler in Jurassic Park

Glinda and Elphaba in Wicked

Any of the female characters in Studio Ghibli films


Honestly the list goes on, but that would take up this entire post. I see capable and powerful women who don’t need physical strength to give them worth. And yes, I do still like the characters that can fight and I would proudly call them a strong female character as long as their combat ability isn’t their only defining trait. The fighter character works best and is more likable for me when she’s given layers and allowed to have personality beyond how hard she can hit. (Peggy Carter, Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Catwoman, etc). What gets to me is when a character can be called worthless because she doesn’t step into battle. Is that really what makes her strong? Can’t she step into battle in another way?

There is something within these less battle geared characters that makes them steady. Even a character who is girly and silly can be powerful based on her values and heart (think Glinda in Wicked). Their strength  is shown in the way they treat others, how they solve problems, how they stay positive, how they stay grounded, and the reasons go on.


Also, even if a female character falls in love and acts a little flighty over a boy, she can still be strong. The idea that falling for a man causes a woman lead to be anything less than strong irritates me to no end. Let’s look at the Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing. Beatrice falls in love with Benedict, but she is still this sassy, hilarious, and confident woman.

Let’s also look at Friends. Monica falls in love with Chandler and marries him, but she still continues to be herself. She looks out for her friends. She stands up for her opinions. She acts goofy. She has this amazing give and take relationship with her husband. She doesn’t stop being herself because she finds someone to care about. Much like Beatrice, love does not make her weak.

mon and chan

A character does not need to be a loner and fighter to be strong. A character can be soft and even a bit silly and not be weak. There is still that stereotype of the strong female in media, but when I look back at these wonderful stories and characters over the past decades or centuries, I realize there are thousands of powerful women in fiction. The problem is, they don’t receive that spotlight because they don’t fall into the expectation our media has set out for us. They’re viewed with less value which is a shame because it’s time for some of us to realize that kicking ass doesn’t define worth or strength.




Packing Up Books

This past week I’ve been working on moving out of my parent’s house and into my first apartment. So far it hasn’t been much of a challenge packing all my things and getting them over to my new place. I actually procrastinated until the day I had to go down there to start throwing things into suitcases and I did this all without running behind schedule.

That was until it came to my books.

I’m still trying to figure out a way to pack them. I have a few at the apartment now, but I have a box, a backpack, and a duffel bag currently overflowing. While cramming them in yesterday, I started to wonder if I even needed to take them all with me. It’s not like I was going to re-read all of them anytime soon. I really only needed the ones for my classes. I could just leave a bunch here and slowly get them over time.

It just didn’t feel right though. I love having a shelf full of books in my house. There’s something about that library aesthetic that gives off a calm and peaceful feeling. I like the way it looks just like I like the way my DVD collection looks because they’re little pieces of me. These are the stories that stood out to me and made me laugh or think so much that I went out and spent money on them. They have meaning to me and that’s why it’s difficult to let them go.

Which means the next few days will be spent with me either buying a new suitcase or figuring out a smarter way to carry these books to my car and then to the second floor of an apartment building.

julius ceaser


There was a period in my life when I tried to not fall into any stereotypes. I wanted to seem different and cool, I guess. I didn’t want to be “like other girls,” I didn’t want to get the response “that’s what everyone thinks,” or “that’s what everyone likes.” I wanted to love different movies, different music, and different fashion choices.

Much of it came from a guy I was trying to impress early in college. He’d say that most girls were the same and he wanted one that wasn’t like the rest. He didn’t want one who wore boots because all girls wore boots and we all dressed the same apparently. He didn’t want the stereotypical girl who liked Starbucks and shopping. He didn’t want one who was too girly, but she still had to act like a girl in order to grab his attention. It was ridiculous how  I continuously tried to pretend I hated things that I liked just so he’d view me as worthy.

At the end of the day, I get it. He had a specific person set in his mind and he was looking for someone either exactly like her or not like her in the least bit. I didn’t fit into either category and after an embarrassing amount of time, I began to realize that. Once I did, I couldn’t understand why I was depriving myself of the little things I enjoyed all so I could “not be like other girls.” I had that type of mindset for so long that thinking back to those days makes me incredibly disappointed with my younger self. I doubt we’d get along all that well.

It also took me until recently to finally break away from the thought and embrace myself. Yes, I am a typical girl. Yes, I like Starbucks, it tastes good to me. I like shopping, I think it’s fun to look at clothes and try them on. I like boots, in fact I love them. I just received a pair today that I ordered online. Pink is my favorite color. My nails currently have glitter on them. As overrated as he is, Batman is still my favorite superhero and has been since I was a kid watching re-runs of the Adam West series. He’ll probably always be my favorite because I find him cool and it’s as simple as that. The truth is, I’m not that different from a lot of people. I fall into stereotypes, but I’m also a lot more than that.

I don’t see a point in depriving myself of the things I enjoy so I can come off as unique or cool in someone’s eyes. I like what I like and I always will. Maybe the reason some things are universally liked is because they’re something interesting that we can all share in. Doesn’t that sound better than competing over who has a more unique taste and attributing that uniqueness to superiority?

If you love a hobby or a film or a fashion choice or anything else then love it. Don’t throw away pieces of yourself just so you can stand out because those little things should not be what defines your worth. Let your personality and the choices you make be the character traits that shine.

Let your acts speak louder than the brand of coffee you buy.


And I Quote – Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

I love quotes which is one of the reasons I underline so much while reading. Originally I was going to list out a few of my favorites again from various novels, but that becomes almost impossible when one book has too many to choose from. Which means for the this post, I’m going to do my top 5 favorite quotes from Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

hitchhiker's guide

5. “Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

4. “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

3. “For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

2. “In the beginning the Universe was created.
This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”

1. “He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”

I love the way he writes and I wish I could replicate it better. Every sentence he makes sounds equally wise and ridiculous which makes it addictive to read. I like to refer to it as “clever silliness” and it’s something I wish I could find more of in books.

What are some of your favorite quotes from this book or any other?

Best Live Action Marvel Film?

The Marvel Cinematic Universe continues to grow with films planned out for the next 10 years, it seems. The popularity is undeniable so of course the studio will continuing creating new stories until the trend finally slows down and dies out.

With that being said, which one is the best so far? Avengers? Guardians of the Galaxy? Captain America: The Winter Soldier? Possibly even this week’s Ant-Man?

Well, for me, it’s the X-Men series. I say series because it’s the entity of this universe that stands out to me, not a single movie (though I have my favorites). I barely remember seeing the first few when I was a kid back in 2000. My dad would be watching them on the TV and I’d catch bits and pieces without fully understanding what was going on. I only knew the characters from the 80’s cartoon and X-Men Evolution. It wasn’t until I was in college that I sat down and watched them all in full. After that I went out a bought the complete trilogy along with the first Wolverine movie. Obviously, I’d grown attached.


I realize that the series has it’s flaws and that they aren’t works of art or even considered “good” to many. Still, they’re fun for me and at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters. Even though I’ve seen each of them several times, they never grow old. I love their universe, I love the characters, I love the atmosphere, the plots, the humor, even the incredibly cheesy moments. They’re incredibly re-watchable.

As a kid the X-Men were always my favorite superhero team. I liked that they were a group of outcasts attempting to fit into society while playing hero. I liked that they each had their own power that they were just born with. No radioactive spiders or aliens or anything like that. It was just a part of their gene pool and it wasn’t much of a secret. The city knew, really the whole world knew, that there were people being born everyday with incredible abilities.


What grabbed  me was the reaction created from this plot. Some people in this universe immediately see them as a threat while others just find it interesting. Some with powers like Magneto view themselves as superior and the next step in evolution. Others feel self-confident because of their gift. Some view these people as demons and a mistake of God. Some even searched desperately for a cure like this was a disease.

One of my favorite scenes comes from X3 (yes, I realize people loathe this film with all their hearts, but bear with me). In the beginning we see  Angel as a child looking at himself in an expensive looking bathroom. The next thing we see is blood and clipped wings falling to the pristine floor. His dad steps in and finds him cutting off the budding wings from his back. Instead of comforting him or helping, all he says is “Oh god, not you” with unmistakable disgust. I got chills the first time seeing this played out and it’s moments like this that I can’t let go.

x3 angel

I care for these characters. I like seeing them interact with each other, I like seeing them in action, and I like just seeing them. They’re all interesting to me. Some of my favorite actors are in these movies and they became my favorites from these movies. I always thought these films were well casted because the actors just seem to fit the character they’re playing. It feels natural on screen which is something that’s not often seen.

To me, the X-Men series is different than the other Marvel films. It has it’s own unique atmosphere with this toned down sense of humor, chilling moments, intriguing plot points, and still harnesses (whether intentional or not) that vintage cheesy superhero feeling.


On a side note: I cannot wait until X-Men: Apocalypse. Nightcrawler? Angel? X-Men in the 80’s? Is it time yet?


Peter Pan in Hyde Park


Unfortunately, the Mr. Darcy statue coming out of the water had been moved by the time my group arrived in London. Still, I got to have a nice walk around the are and find the Peter Pan statue.

What I loved most about finding this was the people around it. There wasn’t much of a crowd near it, but it drew in more people than the other statues around. It’s something that people of any age can get excited about. Peter Pan is a Disney movie from most of our childhood’s and it’s also an old fairytale still being read and told. It’s a story about adventure, imagination, and coming to terms with growing older, but realizing that it’s not such a bad thing.

It goes to show how stories last. Peter Pan was once just words being scribbled down and now there’s a statue in a widely visited park for people to smile at and take pictures of. This book was published in 1911, the Disney film in 1953, along with 6 other adaptions including Pan coming out later this year. This character has been around for over 100 years and people are still watching him on screen and taking pictures of his statue. Fairytales are part of culture and we continue to react strongly to them. We want to see more of them, see them updated, see art of them in city parks.

If you’re in Hyde Park, I’d recommend looking for it. It’s beautifully made and the more you look the more you’ll find. The details are amazing and, as someone who grew up with and loved the Disney adaption, I’m thankful for the opportunity to see it in person.

On Borrowing Books


Borrowing books. It’s difficult to hand over a book you cherish to even a close friend. You want them to share in the story, but you worry about pages being bent, torn, falling in a puddle, getting lost on the bus, chewed up by the family pet, coming back to you covered in coffee stains and granola crumbs.

Those are the typical reasons, but I think there’s more to it. When I own a book I love, I make it personal. I write in the margins, I underline certain lines, I bookmark sections I want to revisit, and so on. Sometimes I forget I do these things because they’ve become so natural to me. This means that when I hand a book to someone – my dad, a friend, a classmate – I don’t always think to erase something I scribbled or take out a placeholder. It’s never a big deal and it’s never anything worth mentioning afterwards, but it’s something I think about anyway. Are they reading and agreeing with what I said? Do they think I’m crazy? Are they wondering why there’s a blue sticky note attached to the middle of page 42? Again, nothing is ever said other than “good book,” but I started to notice the same trends when borrowing books from other people.

I’m borrowing one now and as I was reading, a birthday card fell out from the middle. Nothing big, but it was kind of funny. Just a floral birthday card obviously from grandparents. I’ve been careful to remember what pages it was hidden between so that I don’t forget to slip it back in. Maybe she put it there for a reason or stuck it there so she wouldn’t lose it and forget. Either way, every time it slips out it just makes me laugh for a second.

Books are so personal and why wouldn’t they be? They’re a way to relax and get away so they eventually become storage units and notepads because we know that this is where we’ll go to at the end of the day. They slowly reflect the book owner to a point where we don’t even realize we’re using it for other tasks.

Honestly, I love it. I love the idea of a book becoming part of you and not just something to stash on the shelf after a week for people to look at when they stop by. It’s personal and only the stories that speak to us and make an impression receive that privilege.

It’s a pretty amazing thing.



Stone Henge


The morning my group went to visit Stone Henge, it rained and stormed more than it had the entire 2 weeks we’d been there. Up until then the weather had been wonderful considering it was late December/early January. It was surprisingly sunny and always wavering from low 40’s to high 50’s. It was perfect for walking about and enjoying the sights until that morning and this was the only day we experienced terrible weather conditions.

We first visited what I refer to as the “knock-off Stone Henge.” The real name is Avebury. The history is interesting if you ever want to research it, but that day I just did not care. Maybe it was because I wanted to see the real Stone Henge or maybe because I was getting hailed on. Either way, we didn’t stay long. The place looked abandoned that morning, there was mud everywhere, and by the time we got back on the bus we were all soaking wet.



The rain only stopped briefly at Stone Henge, but the wind was awful. Luckily there was transportation that took you up to the sight and back down to the gift shop/museum. Before we arrived, our professor was saying how we would have to make the hike up there (I still don’t know if she was joking or not) and it was at that point I debated if seeing Stone Henge was worth bearing the cold wind and mud up to my ankles.

Even if I had to hike, it was definitely worth it. I would have been so angry with myself if I didn’t see it. It’s smaller in person and not exactly this wonder I had set in my mind, but I couldn’t look away from it. Maybe all the mysteries regarding this strange circle aren’t as mystic as TV shows, films, and music videos would make you believe, but it’s still a scrap of history that’s managed to keep our culture’s attention for centuries.


I loved the museum and seeing who these people might have been and how they might have lived. There was a video that played on a loop in the middle of the exhibit which showed Stone Henge throughout the years. It was honestly the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen given there was no music only nature sounds and it speeds by so the people appear as shadows lurking from behind the pillars. Yet I watched it loop a few times because, again, I couldn’t look away.

I think Stone Henge has stayed with us because it’s so odd and yet so simple. It’s perfect for constructing myths and legends around it and that’s why people face the rain and the wind and the hail and their own exhaustion just to catch a glimpse of it. It’s filled with stories, some true and some not. We can create our own identity for it and that makes it stand out from all the ordinary sights we’re surrounded with everyday. It’s something to think about and to be inspired by.

So is it worth a hike in the rain? Yes, I would say it is.

Just to Get There

I’ve mentioned it before, but one of my favorite lines in any Lord of the Rings film adaption is “Just to get there” said by Frodo in the animated version of The Fellowship. 

frodo man

He says this with exasperation. Every burden seems to be resting on his shoulders and, in a way, they are. He has the ring which is gradually growing heavier with each passing day. It’s draining him to the point where he questions if he can even take another step forward. In moments of silence, he’s dreaming about getting to his destination. He wants to achieve the goal he set out for himself and go home to enjoy some peace and a happy life. No wonder he wants to “just get there.”

In a way we all have our “ring.” We have these anxieties, fears, and doubt. We want to do well in our lives, to find peace. We want to carry out our dreams no matter how difficult and exhausting they may be. And the further we move towards those the goals, the heavier those anxieties become. What a relief it would be to throw them into a pit of fire and enjoy our own accomplishments, but the path is long and not always a fun little adventure filled with wonder.

I’m constantly thinking about getting there. I’m a daydreamer so I often think about my future home, city, career, where I’ll spend my summers. All I want is “just to get there” because this “adventure” feels incredibly long and sadly I’m still within the first book within the first half. How can this ring feel so heavy already?

For me, it’s most likely because I expect a lot out of myself and I can’t always live up to those expectations. I’m always assuming that I should be further along in my life when honestly I’m doing just fine. I’m exactly where I need to be at this point. Yes, I want to throw away the anxiety, complete my task, and spend the rest of my time peacefully hanging out in my own “Shire” enjoying the life I’ve built for myself, but, that would be a boring story.

Sometimes I look back on the accomplishments I have made and they all seem so easy in retrospect. All I had to do was go here and do this and get that and convince myself of this and walk over here and be here and exactly this time and so forth. It all seems so simple, but at the time I only want to skip ahead to the good/exciting parts.

The sad thing is, I know that eventually I will get there and I’ll look back and laugh at how foolish I was. How stressed I made myself over the stupidest things.

Maybe instead of worrying about “getting there” I should take the ring off every now and then. Set down the burdens and the doubt and the anxiety and find contentment in what’s happening in the present because “there” will always be around. I might not make it there today or tomorrow or even a year from now, but it won’t ever leave. Everyday I get closer to those goals so why not enjoy those days instead of rushing through out of impatience?